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February 7, 2000 Susan
O'Reilly
Dear Ms. O'Reilly, I wrote to your organization over 10 months ago about an important matter and I never received a response. I even enclosed $1 with my letter! As Director of Communications I thought I should bring this to your attention! I have enclosed my previous letter for your perusal. Since last writing you things have worsened. Gallagher, having somehow heard of my efforts to work with you, has sent me an unsolicited autographed picture of himself to my home. The audacity!! I have enclosed the photo for you to look at. It sickens me to see the taunting expression on his face. It's as if he's looking right at me... and laughing at my smooth naked form. No matter where I stand in the room, his eyes follow me. I turn the photo over when I get undressed. Does he look heavier than usual to you? I think vertical stripes on his shirt would make him look slimmer. Agree? I am very annoyed by your lack of professionalism and will keep this letter short and to the point. For starters, I want my $1 back. Secondly I want the picture of Gallagher returned to me after you look at it. Thirdly I want to know who to contact about my watermelon seed spitting record of 69' 2". I also want the home phone number of Kristi Allred, 1999 Texas & Oklahoma Watermelon Queen. I find her very attractive. But most of all I just want to know where you guys stand on Gallagher and his watermelon squashing antics. Are you pro-Gallagher? Are you anti-Gallagher? If you are the latter, is there anything I can do to help you stop him? That was the simple purpose of my initial letter which you promptly IGNORED. I'm still eating watermelons but my experience with your organization has lessened my zeal considerably. I find myself talking about papayas a lot more nowadays. Thank you for getting back to me on this matter and please don't forget to return the picture to me. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Regards,
Rudy Schumann encl: cc: |
FINALLY.... a response!
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