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January 20, 1999
Dear Stuff@Night, My parents always taught me that pre-marital sex is a sin before the eyes of God. Well if God ever saw my girlfriend in a pair of tight hot pants and a cut off tank top... I think he'd forgive me for all that I do with her. To say my sex life is satisfactory would be a huge understatement. I'm talking hot, sweaty, monkey sex! The kind of sex that makes you want to scream out the name NOOGIE! I guess you could say that, just like you, we do a lot of "Stuff @ Night". Well that all changed about a week ago when my girlfriend and I read your publication. As you could probably guess, our favorite section to read is the Sex section where Amy answers sex questions from your troubled and confused readers. (aka: rookies). A recent reader was worried that his "manhood" was possibly on the small size and was curious as to what the average penis size was. Amy responded: "the average erect penis length is about six inches; the average girth is just under five inches around." EXCUSE ME! FIVE INCHES AROUND?!?! Holy cow! What kind of men is Amy dating?! (Does she have photos?) Can you picture something of those dimensions? That's not a penis, that's a small football! Nevertheless, my girlfriend read this, looked down at my "member" (we were naked at the time), and stormed out. That's right. She left me! All because of what I think HAS to be a mistake in your magazine! I have not seen her for several days now and she refuses to take my calls. She just says, "Leave me alone Tiny." I've been utterly miserable and I BEG of you to mail me a formal letter containing a correction of this article so that I can show it to her and possibly salvage our relationship. (I had intentions to marry this woman.) Please please PLEASE help correct this Stuff@Night. Abstaining but not by choice,
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