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April 18, 1998
I wish to visit your country. My friend, Scott, is staying in your country. He weighs 350 pounds. He is a bullemic amnesthiac; he binges and then forgets to purge. It is sad. Nonetheless, I fear him damaging one of your nation's greatest treasures, The Black Forest. Many times I have eaten your German Black Forest Cake and it is quite good. It dawned on me today that my friend may be in your country to eat this Forest for he likes it so. He has been depressed lately and I know how much he likes to eat when he's depressed. He also likes to watch Riki Lake. Since this is an urgent matter, I am officially offering my services to come to Germany to stop Scott before he does any damage. The tickets can be mailed to the address below and I will not check-in any luggage or take a window seat. In case the letter does not make it to you promptly, I have enclosed one oreo cookie; two crunchy chocolate wafers around a creamy vanilla filling. This is the only thing that may lure him away from the Forest. ....if it's not too late already. (Is Oktoberfest this month?) I look forward to working with you and I eagerly wait your reply. Diplomatically,
p.s. - Why the infatuation with David Hasselhoff? enclosure:
one oreo cookie |