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Travel, start new projects, fall in love. Whoah Nellie, are we talking about you? Umm, NO. Many opportunities will open up when you admit to yourself and others that you suck ass. Instead of engaging in small talk all the time, shut the fuck up and listen for a change, you just might learn something. |
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Today is not a day for procrastination for you might be going away for a while. Before that, however, you'd better get those blood stains out of the carpet. Do you know where your passport is? Trust noone. Grow a mustache. The fat man walks at midnight. |
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Don't let embarrassment from past events get in the way of your pursuit of future dreams today. Own up to your mistakes and learn from them. You will gain more respect by admitting that you did in fact sniff her chair and pleasure yourself as opposed to trying to lie about it. By openly admitting that you have done wrong you will make it that much easier for them to fire your pervert ass. |
First thing this morning is the best time for love. Too bad you're single. Not to worry though, your tension level should go down as the day goes on. In fact by mid-day you should lull into a slow deep depression that cripples you physically and mentally over the coming months. Oh, your power color today is ORANGE!! |
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When you're in business for yourself, you're your own boss. The more charming you are now, the more successful you'll become later. The trouble is, you're not charming and you work in a cube. Now get back to work! It was fun to pretend for a second though, wasn't it? |
You're sick of having everyone feel sorry for you, but not sick enough to quit whining:"No one understands me." Shut up already! We have enough things to worry about in our own lives than listen to your absurd dramatics. But damn you're so cute, so we forgive you. Call me? |
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This month many new friends will find your smile disarming. But not me. I'm onto you mister. Relationships with the opposite sex are apt to go well for you at this time, especially with those who are drunk. |
The past few months have proven quite a test Scorpio, and you without any number 2 pencils. But that's all done with. Now you can forget old mistakes, and concentrate on making new ones, which is perfect because your astrological moon is in Uranus. In other words, it's a good month to sleep around. |
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Emotional ties can translate to financial help this month, especially since you are a prostitute. By the way, if you spend all your money on booze and dope, how can you afford those slinky outfits? |
Socializing, meeting new friends and getting involved with a group project look good tonight. But so does looking for naked Britney Spears pics on the internet. Go with your gut. |
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There is an element of strength in simply being aware of your surroundings. Press your face against the computer screen. Do you feel its comforting warmth against your cheek? OK, now stick out your tongue and lick the screen. Ewww you really did it?! I knew you were a freak! |
Remember that the first impression that you get from someone isn't necessarily a true reflection of their personality. There are still many layers beneath the surface that lay hidden. Take your time to slowly strip, strip, STRIP away these layers until the person is nothing but a quiverying lump of insecure mush. Victory is yours! |
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