I’m Going to Hell, This I Know

There I was in a church gift store, in East Boston.  I have no real explanation for that set-up, but there I was.  I did a little walkabout.  And then I began perusing a tall lucite carousel of religious mini posters, and on the final turn of the wheel I saw it… and I knew I had to buy it.

I felt a bit guilty ringing it up at the register.  Here I was in a church (wrong #1) with a full Sunday Mass in Spanish going on in the background (wrong #2) and I was buying a religious object not out of faith but out of the comedy I knew I would bring me (wrongs #3 – #10).

I was busted at work scanning it in late one night, which was an interesting exchange.  “Working late?  What’re ya up to?”  “Oh, not really working, just scanning in this here picture of Jesus.”

What struck me about this image was just how incredibly forlorn this couple looked.  I mean they really look bummed out.  And I can only assume this is due to something JC has just said to them…..

“Yes, anal sex does count as pre-marital sex.  I’m sorry, but you’re both going to hell.”

“I know it’s small Bob, but I gave you so many other talents.  I mean how many other people do you know that can parallel park like that? Really, try to name someone.”

“Susan, Bob is gay.  He just doesn’t know it yet.  But hey, you guys got some awesome wedding gifts, huh?  That panini press thing?  Awesome, right?”

I am going to hell, this I know.

  • http://www.mellodybrewing.com/ Babym

    The dude looks like a porn star. Maybe Jesus told them his career is over, and he IS going to hell for all those facial scenes.

  • Guest Doser

    Look at JC though. He exudes unconditional love.

    Bob, I know you like to be on the wrong side of the gloryhole, and Susan, this doesn't make you less attractive. Or less of a woman. Take the panini press and move on.

    Andy, please tell us more about the exchange at the cash register. Did the person sense that this was not a genuinely religious purchase?

    Baloney Tits

  • Guest Doser

    Ha! I just posted as Babym. How did that happen? This could be awesome. Oh, the things I would say.

    Baloney Tits, really.

  • thedose

    Facials? Do porn stars have clogged pores? Not sure I understand.

    I remember making awkward conversation to make my purchase seem more normal, which probably had the complete opposite effect.. I do remember asking which evening was bingo night. It's Tuesday nights at 6:30, for those interested.

  • http://www.mellodybrewing.com/ Babym

    The dude looks like a porn star. Maybe Jesus told them his career is over, and he IS going to hell for all those facial scenes.

  • Guest Doser

    Look at JC though. He exudes unconditional love.

    Bob, I know you like to be on the wrong side of the gloryhole, and Susan, this doesn't make you less attractive. Or less of a woman. Take the panini press and move on.

    Andy, please tell us more about the exchange at the cash register. Did the person sense that this was not a genuinely religious purchase?

    Baloney Tits

  • Guest Doser

    Ha! I just posted as Babym. How did that happen? This could be awesome. Oh, the things I would say.

    Baloney Tits, really.

  • thedose

    Facials? Do porn stars have clogged pores? Not sure I understand.

    I remember making awkward conversation to make my purchase seem more normal, which probably had the complete opposite effect.. I do remember asking which evening was bingo night. It's Tuesday nights at 6:30, for those interested.