A few weeks ago I was in Bloomington, IN for the IU vs OSU football game. (long story) The tailgate action was expansive and impressive. Black yoga pants. Everywhere. And me, standing in the middle of it all. The entire debauch scene reminded me of how much sex I did not have in college, and it made me very angry.
That’s why this brand new addition to the Book Nook is so fitting (and ironical).
Two emails to customer service = nothing
One written letter to the CEO = nothing
One tweet = instant response
It’s official, Biofilm, Inc (makers of Astroglide) are not interested in Asstroglide.com (owned by yours truly.)
Time to contact Jergens…….
It started as a funny conversation over a beer with a former co-worker. Chris (a chinese american) made the bold claim that the asian women that white guys find attractive are not at all the same women that asian men think are hot.
And so we decided to do a little experiment. We’d put a a set of asian cuties in front of two groups. Group A (Good Will Pumping): white guys in their mid-30′s on a hockey team mostly from Quincy/Dorchester. Group B (The Asian Mafia): guys from an all-asian softball team in the same general age range. We’d let the results speak for themself. This was going to be great!
To the interwebs I went in search of desirable asian labybirds. It seemed like a simple enough image search on the surface, but I quickly found myself re-routed over and over again into the more unsavory alleys of the internet. Mind you, I’m not complaining about this. But it made finding appropriate images more difficult than I thought. Due to this let’s just say of the 12 pictures below, a few of them may be polite on top but NSFW on the bottom.
So I sent the image out to my Groups with the following instructions: Rank each of the women based on attractiveness on a scale from 1-10 (with 10 being the highest) Pick your “Top 3″ women based on attractiveness, in order from 1 to 3.
The Results
Good Will Pumping: I get three responses to the survey with creative subject lines such as: Asian Buffet, Me Love You Long Time, and Yellow Fever. The results are all over the place. Girls 5 and 9 both made it into two of the Top Three lists. But girl #7 had the highest overall rating with an 8.3. This really chaps my hide because Chris cited Lucy Liu as a prime example of an asian woman white guys go gaga over, so I tried to slip her into the mix.
The Asian Mafia: I write to Chris with my survey instructions and 3 days later he writes back with a one liner, “They all look the same to me.” WTF?! Chris is asian and he’s… that’s what people accuse…. OMG.
Experiment over.
The phrase Serial Killer Fridge started being used after I posted a pic of my refrigerator with nothing in it but an ostrich egg and a Brita pitcher.
I travel moderately for work now. It’s the perfect amount of travel actually. And I have every work trip I’ve taken in an excel spreadsheet, of course.
I love staying in hotels. But before I can feel comfortable and call a room my temporary home, a few things must be done. The first task is to sweep the room for all of the paper tents and placards. It’s amazing how many of these a hotel room can have. They’re everywhere.
They all go into a drawer, out of site. Same goess for all of the magazines, menus, book, pads of paper, etc.
Then I have to unpack fully.
The final step is the laying out of the toiletries, medical style. Tweezers, STAT!
Serial Killer Toiletries!
* M stands for moisturizer and C stands for cleanser.