When I called AAA to opt-out of their quarterly Horizons newsletter, and they obliged, I felt like I had removed a significant roadblock (no pun intended) in my life. This had to be the albatross that’s been holding me back and with it finally gone nothing could stop me now. Look out world! The fact that I had felt similarly about five other things earlier in the month didn’t faze me. I was convinced this time I was right.

So I was a bit dismayed when a week later a friend took out her copy of Horizons to show me an ad in the back pages that she knew would be “right up my alley,” and she was right. Uh oh, what had I been missing in Horizons? Should I re-subscribe? No Andy, stay strong.

The ad was for onederwear — underwear you wear once and then discard. One look and I knew immediately that I’d be making a purchase. One week later my package arrived. I let another week pass with my new purchase remaining untouched. What I did and where I went with my onederwear was significant and I wanted to choose wisely.

Finally I broke down and donned my first pair. They weren’t exactly stylish and even though I bought the large size they were still too tight. Surprisingly though after a few minutes I forgot I was even wearing them. And I wanted to tell the world. I sought out lulls in everyday conversation as an opportunity to share my news in a matter of fact tone. “I’m wearing disposable underwear.”

Thanksgiving rolled around and I made travel plans. Me. Traveling by choice. On the busiest travel day of the year. This was a milestone in itself and I was very proud of myself for the big step forward. But when I got myself to the airport a full three hours before my departure time it felt like two steps back.

I saw the trip as the perfect opportunity to bring and use my disposable underwear. Not only would I wear a pair in flight, but I’d return from my trip with less belongings than I left with! Somewhere in my soul that felt satisfying. Like the goodness that washes over me when I slip a sales receipt into my shredder. I have a sickness.

In line at airport security I started to sweat. My man bag was filled with disposable underwear, each pair rolled up tight and shrink-wrapped like little white burritos. I’d seen enough movies in my time. My manties looked just like cocaine! I was going to get pulled off to the side and have to explain my lifestyle undergarment of choice to someone!!

The airport gods shone warmly on me though as my onederwear and my quart sized zip-lock bag of liquids passed through security without issue. *sigh*   I may be a jackass but I’m no mule.

As we lifted off the ground and began to gain altitude I kept my eyes on the Horizon… until it disappeared.

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