deet-ditty-deet-deet.     This just in…

In an attempt to make your commute a more pleasant one all MBTA employees were recently required to attend Diversity & Sensitivity Training. This is wonderful news. You can now shuttle across our fair city feeling well respected by your conductor while that one creepy guy rubs his crotch up against your ass all the way from Kenmore to Government Center. And when the guy sitting next to you decides that the subway is the perfect place to catch up on his fingernail clipping, swallow down that little bit of vomit in your mouth with a smile knowing that the civil servant in control of your vehicle is sensitive to your many differences.

One special nugget to come out of this training effects our city bus drivers in particular. MBTA bus drivers often talk about their work day in terms of what route they’ve been assigned to. “I’m doing the 77,” or “I’m on the 210,” for example.

Word has reached The Dose that MBTA top brass have officially mandated that all employees, regardless of whether they’re speaking to customers or internally, are forbidden from referring to the 69 bus as the 69 bus. The 69 bus must at all times be referred to as the “68+1.”  Redonkulous.

So the 69 bus can’t be called the 69 bus yet it can hold people who are 69 years old, were born in ‘69, live at 69 Main Street, and ordered the 69 (beef & broccoli) for lunch. Celtics forward Brian Scalabrine is 6-9. Trade that offensive bastard!

I have a proposal. Let the 68+1 remain the 68+1 and allow it to run its peaceful route between Harvard Square and Lechmere. And let’s bring back the 69 bus (not to be confused with the 68+1) which will run non-stop between Centerfolds in Boston and The Squire in Revere. Nice. And you can actually call this 69 bus the 69 bus. You can call it the Slut Bus if you want.

I guess Three Dog Night had it right when they said “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” Wait a second, what do they mean exactly by “do”?  Insensitive!

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