I hadn’t had any heat for a few days and I assumed I wasn’t the only one. My hope that someone else in the building would call the management company and complain so I wouldn’t have to didn’t seem to be coming true so I made the call. And of course I’m all “if it wouldn’t be too big a deal” and “i have a space heater so it’s not like it’s an emergency or anything.” I hang up the phone upset at myself over my lack of assertiveness; it’s something I’m actively working on.

The service man shows up and begins doing his standard checks. He visits the boiler room. He taps on the thermostat. Then he starts checking my outlets, why, I have no idea. When he gets to the outlets behind my TV I hear him say, “Ahhhh, look at this.”

I look behind the TV and what I see is familiar to me. I remember that warm summer day when I said “What the hell is this big block plugged into my outlet for? It’s probably stealing electricity from me!” and unplugged it. (ker-pluck)

I quickly feign both surprise and knowledge. “What in the? Well, there ya go, that explains it,” meanwhile hoping he’ll elaborate.

“That’s the transformer. If that’s not plugged in you won’t get any heat.”

Wait a second. This thing is the single point of failure for my heat, calls itself a Transformer, and doesn’t even have the decency to turn into a robot or a car or anything?! I’ve just given him a long break from his heating responsibilities and he just sat there when he could’ve been driving me to work, cleaning my bathroom, making me Tanqueray and tonics?!

“Ah, the Transformer. More than meets the eye.”
“A lot of people don’t know it’s even there.”
“Ha! Idiots. But yeah, I guess it can be a little Decepticon.”
“Now that it’s plugged in again the heat should come on pretty quick.”
“Autobot-ic.”
“You probably haven’t had heat for a while. You’re lucky you’re young and strong.”
“I’m in the Optimus Prime of my life, my man!.

He packs up his tools and I walk him to the door. I send him off with a slap on the back.

“Later Megatron.”
“What?”
“Nothing, nothing. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it. Take care.”
“Bye.”

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