New York, NY – Barnes & Noble and MTV have announced their partnership in releasing a new version of the book retailer’s popular Nook e-reader device.  Aimed to capitalize on the Jersey Shore market, the Snook will hit stores in Miami by the end of the week.

In a show of support for his cast-mate, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has stated that for the Snook’s release date the “L” in GTL will stand for Literacy.  “Just for that one day though, bro,” he clarified.

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Hear ye, hear ye, fair citizens of Foursquare. I am now the Mayor of Simpleton!

I may be the Mayor of Simpleton, but I know one thing, and that’s I love you.

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There I was in a church gift store, in East Boston.  I have no real explanation for that set-up, but there I was.  I did a little walkabout.  And then I began perusing a tall lucite carousel of religious mini posters, and on the final turn of the wheel I saw it… and I knew I had to buy it.

I felt a bit guilty ringing it up at the register.  Here I was in a church (wrong #1) with a full Sunday Mass in Spanish going on in the background (wrong #2) and I was buying a religious object not out of faith but out of the comedy I knew I would bring me (wrongs #3 – #10).

I was busted at work scanning it in late one night, which was an interesting exchange.  “Working late?  What’re ya up to?”  “Oh, not really working, just scanning in this here picture of Jesus.”

What struck me about this image was just how incredibly forlorn this couple looked.  I mean they really look bummed out.  And I can only assume this is due to something JC has just said to them…..

“Yes, anal sex does count as pre-marital sex.  I’m sorry, but you’re both going to hell.”

“I know it’s small Bob, but I gave you so many other talents.  I mean how many other people do you know that can parallel park like that? Really, try to name someone.”

“Susan, Bob is gay.  He just doesn’t know it yet.  But hey, you guys got some awesome wedding gifts, huh?  That panini press thing?  Awesome, right?”

I am going to hell, this I know.

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I’ve decided to enable commenting on The Dose. Will this stick? We shall see, but I figured I’d give it a try.

I’m still working out some of the kinks. For example I don’t know why the commenting area is so big; not sure it’s supposed to be that way. And I’m not convinced the “login via twitter” option is working correctly; it seems to need you to login in twice to recognize you.

Anywho, there it is. Let me know what you think. And I could use some help testing things out, if you’re so inclined.

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2010 starts off right with the release of two new Book Nook titles. Enjoy!

Wearing black doesn’t do you much good when the lights are on. Like a perverted Kato, Andy definitely had his….

See more titles in the Book Nook.

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Elvis Costello shared his Google Calendar with me today. No real surprises here…

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A few weeks ago I was in Bloomington, IN for the IU vs OSU football game. (long story)  The tailgate action was expansive and impressive.  Black yoga pants.  Everywhere.  And me, standing in the middle of it all.  The entire debauch scene reminded me of how much sex I did not have in college, and it made me very angry.

That’s why this brand new addition to the Book Nook is so fitting (and ironical).

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Two emails to customer service = nothing
One written letter to the CEO = nothing
One tweet = instant response

It’s official, Biofilm, Inc (makers of Astroglide) are not interested in Asstroglide.com (owned by yours truly.)

Time to contact Jergens…….

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It started as a funny conversation over a beer with a former co-worker. Chris (a chinese american) made the bold claim that the asian women that white guys find attractive are not at all the same women that asian men think are hot.

And so we decided to do a little experiment. We’d put a a set of asian cuties in front of two groups. Group A (Good Will Pumping): white guys in their mid-30′s on a hockey team mostly from Quincy/Dorchester. Group B (The Asian Mafia): guys from an all-asian softball team in the same general age range. We’d let the results speak for themself. This was going to be great!

To the interwebs I went in search of desirable asian labybirds. It seemed like a simple enough image search on the surface, but I quickly found myself re-routed over and over again into the more unsavory alleys of the internet. Mind you, I’m not complaining about this. But it made finding appropriate images more difficult than I thought. Due to this let’s just say of the 12 pictures below, a few of them may be polite on top but NSFW on the bottom.
So I sent the image out to my Groups with the following instructions: Rank each of the women based on attractiveness on a scale from 1-10 (with 10 being the highest) Pick your “Top 3″ women based on attractiveness, in order from 1 to 3.

The Results

Good Will Pumping: I get three responses to the survey with creative subject lines such as: Asian Buffet, Me Love You Long Time, and Yellow Fever. The results are all over the place. Girls 5 and 9 both made it into two of the Top Three lists. But girl #7 had the highest overall rating with an 8.3. This really chaps my hide because Chris cited Lucy Liu as a prime example of an asian woman white guys go gaga over, so I tried to slip her into the mix.

The Asian Mafia: I write to Chris with my survey instructions and 3 days later he writes back with a one liner, “They all look the same to me.” WTF?! Chris is asian and he’s… that’s what people accuse…. OMG.

Experiment over.

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The phrase Serial Killer Fridge started being used after I posted a pic of my refrigerator with nothing in it but an ostrich egg and a Brita pitcher.

I travel moderately for work now. It’s the perfect amount of travel actually. And I have every work trip I’ve taken in an excel spreadsheet, of course.

I love staying in hotels. But before I can feel comfortable and call a room my temporary home, a few things must be done. The first task is to sweep the room for all of the paper tents and placards. It’s amazing how many of these a hotel room can have. They’re everywhere.

They all go into a drawer, out of site. Same goess for all of the magazines, menus, book, pads of paper, etc.

Then I have to unpack fully.

The final step is the laying out of the toiletries, medical style. Tweezers, STAT!

Serial Killer Toiletries!

* M stands for moisturizer and C stands for cleanser.

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I was watching The Departed the other night. It’s always fun to watch a movie filmed in the city you live in, regardless of the city and regardless of how good or bad the movie is.

At one frantic part of the movie they play a well known Dropkick Murphys song. A song I’ve always recognized but never knew the name of or lyrics to. So off to the interweb I went…

Now these lyric sites are pretty much all the same. The page takes forever to load and you’re convinced a virus is being downloaded to your computer in that small window of time. And there’s always some sort of pop-up pushing a T.I. ring tone or some other nonsense.

What made me laugh this night was what I saw when I landed on a lyric site focused around the meaning of the lyrics. This is what it had for “Shipping Up to Boston,” the song in question.

Ha! I’m so glad DarkmasterOfTheLyrics broke it down for us.

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Exhibit A:
June 28, 2006: Andy writes about a Laugh Club.

Exhibit B:
June 03, 2009: the Boston Globe writes about a Laugh Club.

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“I had a dream that I beat Don Johnson up. I was Tom Magnum in the dream. I beat him up real good, too. All punching his head and stuff. Then he looks up at me and pleads not to hit him again, so I kind of get up and walk away. Then there’s a razor at my throat and he cuts my moustache off! Like Samson, I am drained of my power and that bastard Johnson takes off with the rest of my moustache. I don’t know what it means.”

That is from August 2004. And I’m not sure yet if this blog is real or not… but if it is… I love Tom Selleck.

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